While we wait…

Our little girl’s due date has come and gone. I had a hunch that she’d be late, but I never anticipated what these past three days have brought us. Friday evening we went to the hospital because I’d been having contractions all day. Sadly, they sent us home because they weren’t strong enough to make me dilate at all. Fast forward to today and it’s been three sleepless nights, more contractions and lots of pain but no progress. All in all it’s been pretty miserable. It’s so hard to stay positive after round after round of contractions that never progress and eventually subside for a while. I’ve cried out to God so many times in the middle of the night, begging Him to let this be the time things finally move forward. Thus far, they always taper off only to start up agin in an hour or so. After finding out at our Doctor’s appointment that absolutely nothing had changed since Friday, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. At home again, we decided to try to rest for a while. As I climbed in bed and felt more waves of knifing pain, the Lord reminded me of our journey together thus far.

I’m no stranger to pain and waiting. He and I have been here before, except last time it lasted for years not days. He reminded me that I shouldn’t even be alive if it wasn’t for His grace and mercy in healing me. I remembered the countless nights of agonizing pain as my body was wrecked with a sickness no one could diagnose. I was so weak…far weaker than I feel now. I was spent in every way possible…much more so than I am today. Even then He filled me with His strength. He sustained me. He was hope when there was absolutely none in sight. Of course, I’ve been through so many other times when I didn’t understand what He was doing or why He was making me wait. In every instance, His ways have been best. Now, I know there is an end in sight for me. This baby will come, even though the days that loom before me feel unending. Last time I saw no end but death. I can’t even begin to describe how sick I was then. It’s only because of His goodness that I get to experience the pain and waiting for this little life. I desperately hope this will all be over soon because my body is so drained physically and emotionally already. But I have joy. I know that for whatever reason, what I’m going through is for His glory and my good.

We are so excited and so ready to bring this little one into the world. It’s almost all I can do not to wish we were headed to the hospital right now to meet her. Yet at the same time a beautiful contentment washes over me…even during another bout of maddening contractions. This is what I’ve been given for this moment. I have this baby inside for a little while longer. I have my amazing husband at my side. And I have my Jesus, who is all I need for this moment and the next. We’ve been here before, and I’m sure we’ll be here again. For then and now I can fully lean on Him for every second because He is more than enough.

Here’s a few verses I’m letting wash over my heart today:

“I’ve been carrying you on My back from the day you were born, and I’ll keep on carrying you when you’re old. I’ll be there, bearing you…I’ve done it and will keep on doing it, carry you on my back, saving you.” (Isaiah 46:3-4)

“Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.” (2 Timothy 3:17)

“I look behind me and You’re there, then up ahead and You’re there too – Your reassuring presence, coming and going.” (Psalm 139:6)

“But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

“He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:17)