Content with the Sheep

It’s hard to put a finger on where my heart has been these past months. It’s like I’m a ship ever-so-slowly sailing towards a port, waiting to dock but not exactly sure where I am or how to anchor along the shore. There’s land, something solid but I don’t quite see what will await me when I step foot on the sand. The only way I can think to describe where I am is that it feels opposite to my natural disposition. I’m type A. I’m a don’t-rest-until-it’s-done, go-getter, driven kind of creative mind. I don’t like stopping. I’m not fond of sitting still unless it’s because my wheels are spinning. And yet, I am still. Still…and content.

The early life of King David was characterized by stillness and quietness. It was just him and a some sheep for most of those days. I find myself so drawn to where he was during that time. It was menial work saved for the least important and the youngest. Sheep glamorous? Yeah, right. He didn’t even have that many sheep, “just a few.” He didn’t get much if any recognition. His father didn’t even count him among his sons when Samuel came. And yet his heart was after God. Even though the work was small His view was big. His eyes were on the greatest and grandest of pursuits. His tedious days and labor in solitude was used as a catalyst for poetry. Although I’m sure he hoped he wouldn’t be tending sheep forever, I can’t help but feel as though his heart was content as he wrote beautiful songs that only God heard.

I want my heart to be like David’s. I used to have these enormous dreams of what I’d do for God, such great aspirations for wherever I put my hands to work. Missionary in a foreign land. Worship music for multitudes. Art that went far and reached people’s hearts. Now? I see that I’m really like David, a shepherd in some obscure field tending small little things. By His grace alone, He has made me content. I just want to live out my life with my sheep, faithful in the small things. If my sheep are the only ones to hear my songs, that’s ok because it’s not for them anyway. My audience is One. If what I create for my work stays small or goes away entirely, I am thankful to have had the blessing of serving the people who came my way.

Those days of quiet taught David courage and to trust in God. He depended on God’s strength to help him guard his “few” sheep, so much so that He expected miracles! He took on a lion and a bear! His small tasks were not so unimportant that He didn’t rely on God to help protect them. I want to be the same. I want to trust God to show up in power in what feels small and unimportant. I want to show my little sheep that God is powerful enough, caring enough to meet us in the humble places – even if the miracles are only for a few eyes. If the songs in the field stay in the field, it is more than enough. They help my soul see the immeasurable beauty of God. If the path stays small and quiet, my heart can still sing and I can still expect BIG things from my God even if BIG things aren’t happening in my every day life.

I love what Levi Lusko said in his message at Passion: “Ministry that is effective always begins at home. If it’s not working at home why would God export it. If it doesn’t begin in your house, if it can’t begin in your cul-de-sac, if it doesn’t begin the city that you live in…if your gift on your life can’t work in a small, obscure, unknown context God will never be able to do the things He has put in your heart by way of dreams. Start where you’re at.”

God has changed the direction of my heart. He’s broken my big dreams and given me small tasks. Finally, now I see how beautiful and miraculous it is the be in the little fields, tending my few little sheep. My heart is full. My soul is content. Life is not perfect. I’m not anywhere near where I thought I’d be in life. My home, business, family, ministry don’t look like what I thought. My heart can find the same contentment whether I’m at home wiping up pee, or on a stage playing music, or working for incredible clients. I don’t have to have my identity be in what I “do” because I know WHAT I do doesn’t matter, but the HEART behind it. I don’t have to keep up a facade of perfection. I’m just a shepherd. But I can also expect miracles just looking after my small people, the same as expecting them for the things my finite mind reserves as “big” enough. God can show up when I’m doing dishes! I can overflow in worship when I’m cleaning toilets! Beautiful songs and art can flow from simple emails or picking up blocks for the millionth time. I’m not sure if I’m called to homeschool. Not certain if I’m supposed to go for it harder in business, slow down or if God wants me to let it go. I don’t know if what God has put in my heart will ever come to be. I don’t know if anyone will be impacted by the music He’s given us. I can’t see where I’m supposed to be other than right here, trusting Him for the every day and each moment as they come. Nothing may change and yet my soul can be full. I’m just a simple shepherd who is thankful to lead the little sheep I’ve been to green pastures and still waters, just as my Good Shepherd does so lovingly for me, wherever I am. In the dark valley or beautiful mountaintop I can see the glory of Christ alongside my sheep. And be content.