Little Blair Blog

It’s been a 10 days since little Eleanora arrived. It all feels so surreal. I don’t think it has really sunk in that she isn’t just a sweet little thing that is with us for a few days. I can’t even begin to figure out or explain how I feel. I guess I thought I’d have more of a sense of motherhood or feeling changed in a big way, but I don’t really. Honestly, I’m surprised and happy to still feel like myself…just with a new love and attachment to this adorable little girl. My love for Jonathan is still the same as well, but now I get to actually see him be the father I always knew he’d be all along. That part feels so natural, almost like it was always there. Life is different for sure, but we’re settling back into “normal” and I’m happy for it. Little Eleanora has already brought so much joy to our lives and we are so happy to be her parents…even if we don’t really feel like parents yet! I’m looking forward to growing our little family together, striving not to make our sweet baby the center of our lives (however easy that might be), but to keep Jesus as the focus of everything we do. The tasks and the passions He has given us haven’t changed, but have been expanded upon now that she’s here. I can’t wait to see how all of it will unfold.

Now on to the actual story of her arrival! I debated on whether or not to write all this out, but I’m sure I’ll be happy I did down the road. Plus writing has always been cathartic for me! I probably don’t have all the details right, but oh well!

The day before Eleanora’s due date I started having some contractions. Since this is my first pregnancy I wasn’t really sure what to look for or how they were supposed to feel, but after having them for about 6-8 hours pretty consistently we were a little more certain. We talked to my nurse, who suggested I go to the hospital just to be sure. We finished packing the car and I tried not to get my hopes up just in case. Sadly, the doctor said that I was definitely having contractions but that they weren’t strong enough to dilate me at all. We went home hopeful that we’d be back soon. Well, her due date came and went but the contractions continued. It was a pretty miserable weekend. They weren’t strong enough that I couldn’t take them, but definitely woke me up with each one and made it uncomfortable to do just about anything. We walked, ate mexican, downed a bunch of pineapple and anything else that might help things continue. Monday we go back for my 40 week doctor appointment only to hear the same news…no progress. After the doctor left our room I lost it a little bit. I was just so tired and ready for her to come. We scheduled an induction for Friday and I cried on the ride back home. I don’t ever cry but that was one of those times when I just needed to get out all my disappointment and get over it. We bought ice-cream, watched a movie and I prepared myself mentally for the next few days. I kept telling myself that I could make it 3 more days. At least there was an end in sight and I could try to ignore the pain until Friday. The Lord refreshed my heart and we moved on. (More about that in the post I wrote here.) Things were better, but I can’t say I was my best self that week! I was incredibly miserable.

Thursday night was more of the same. I hadn’t slept much at all that week and almost none the night before. I was forcing myself to stay in bed and try to rest in between the contractions. For the first time I actually woke Jonathan up because I guess he could tell I was in more pain. About 1 am (or 3 am…I can’t remember) he asked if I was going to start timing them. I was trying to ignore them like the rest, but after about 10 more pretty painful ones I decided to start. I got up and started distracting myself any way I could…sweeping, moping, doing the dishes, drafting emails, etc. I went ahead and showered, painted my nails and even curled my hair…anything to help keep my mind off the pain. Finally I tried to go back to sleep for a while, but they kept coming stronger. I called the doctor’s office as soon as they opened and they told us to go ahead and come to the hospital. They hooked me up and checked…1.5 cm and 50% effaced. It was progress, but not much. Since I was scheduled for an induction the next morning they decided to keep up. I labored at the hospital all day watching HGTV…well, sort of! At least we had a room with a window. The first room they took us in felt like a cave. I was so thankful for some natural light…and a lovely view of the parking lot! After all day of steady contractions there still wasn’t much progress…even though they were more painful. That night they subsided a little bit and the doctor started me on a medicine to prepare me for the pitocin in the morning and recommended that I take some ambien to help me sleep. They said there was a chance the medicine would put me into active labor on my own, but that it was very unlikely. I was hesitant to take it because all medicine effects me pretty strongly. I get a get a little woozy on Benadryl if that tells you anything. I took it anyway and within minutes I was out.

Well, you can guess what happened about 3 am…yep, I went into active labor on ambien. It was a terrifying experience. I had no control over my body and was in a completely different place in my mind. It’s actually kind of funny. Jonathan says my arms were flailing around for a while and when I calmed down he asked if I was ok. I said, “Yeah, I think I was at the Churchill’s.” He said, “As in Winston Churchill?” I shook my head yes. One of the last things I hear before falling asleep was a joke about Winston Churchill and a baby. I guess my mind created a place to deal with the pain. Every contraction was an object being thrown at me or a door I needed to knock down. After a while the ambien started to wear off and I was in so much pain. I was so tense and shaking from the inability to control my body during the contractions. I told Jonathan I had to have pain meds. They gave me some but I doubt it helped much at all. Then they checked me and I was at 2 cm but completely effaced and the baby’s head was right there. It took everything I had not to give into the urge to push. At this point the contractions were 20 seconds apart. Finally, they gave me something to slow the contractions and the anesthesiologist arrived to give me the epidural. Somehow I managed to calm myself for that. I’ll never forget John Mayer’s “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” playing in the background. I tried to block everything else out but that song.

After the epidural everything became so calm and peaceful. I’m so incredibly thankful for it! My doctor broke my water some time around 9 and things went pretty quickly from there. I was finally able to help my body find some rest. I had a relaxing playlist going and between each contraction Jonathan would hold my hand, give me ice chips and I’d almost fall asleep. My sister came in and did my hair (bless her!) and I was even able to freshen myself up a bit. It seemed like 10 minutes went by when the doctor came in and said it was time to push. At 1:40 we were ready and I was pushing. It was strange, out of body kind of experience. I felt so relaxed and focused. It didn’t seem too hard at all by that point. After 20 minutes, she arrived at 2:03 pm. A huge relief came over me as she was born. Some people say they feel an overwhelming love as soon as they see their child, but honestly I was just so relieved that it was over. I looked at her tiny bloody, redish-purple frame as they fixed me up. I hardly knew what to feel at that point it was so surreal. Finally, they cleaned her up a bit and I was able to hold her. Those first few moments as a family were completely ethereal. I kept thinking, “She’s ours. This is her.” I was in awe, relieved and completely amazed by this little person. I remember looking up at Jonathan and thinking about how we were a family now…a family! I’m so thankful my sister was there to capture those moments so they are frozen in my mind. It’s hard to remember certain feelings, but I can see it all over again in these images. I truly can’t thank her enough for these priceless memories of such raw moments that I will treasure forever.

We held her for just a little while and then they asked if I wanted to nurse her. She seemed hungry from the moment they handed her to me, so we tried it. Eleanora made it so easy and I’m thankful that she was (and still is) a good little eater. It wasn’t long before they whisked her off to the nursery and started to get us settled in our new room. The next few days there went by so quickly. For the most part, she was bright eyed and alert during the morning and only fussy when she got hungry. She seems to have a pleasant demeanor thus far. Looking back at these images, I still can’t believe this all happened and it is real! It already seems like a distant memory. Our sweet Eleanora was definitely worth all that we went through, but I’m so very glad it’s over. We think she gets more beautiful everyday. We’re also trying to savor her in this newborn glory before this tiny, snuggly sweetheart gets bigger. She’s only 10 days old and we already wish she could stay this little and not grow up…although it would be really nice if she let us sleep a little more! I look forward to watching our love for each other grow more and more each day.

Welcome to the world Eleanora Rose!

This was right before we started pushing. Praises for epidurals!

I’m so glad Michelle caught all the moments I couldn’t see from my bed!

Yeah, this image is the sweetest.

I guess she just needed that extra week to put on a little more weight! I’m so happy she was bigger than I expected.

This image…I can’t even. It’s too sweet for words.

I love these of the 3 of us together for the first time! The wait was finally over.

I don’t even remember Michelle taking these. So much joy.

She was so alert and bright eyed the next morning. I’m so glad to have these when we were a little freshened up too.

Me and my brand new girl. Those cheeks. Those lips. Those eyes. Ah, I die.

This one is already a daddy’s girl…but I can’t blame her.

Sorry for the photo overload, but I really have so much more! I’ll probably post a few more from our hospital stay and going home soon…or soonish. I’m focusing on lots of newborn cuddles these days. I’ll be back to work before I know it, so I’m not in too big of a hurry! Thank you to everyone who has celebrated this new life with us and blessed us by your visits and gifts. We are so thankful for all of you!

Much love,

Jonathan, Jennifer & Eleanora Rose